Tiffinnie - Life changing news

We're pregnant! and by "we" I mean Athila and I. and by pregnant I mean I just found out and I'm estimated to be about 6 weeks along. I'll be blogging more regularly about this over here.

Finally : The visit (recap with pictures!)

We spent all of July together and we will see each other again on November 6th for a week... unless he gets one of the jobs he applied for here... in which case he will be moving here soon!!

July 2nd

Thila is watching the UFC fight on pay-per-view and being fascinated by his rental car (ford fusion) and wanted to stand in the road and take pictures of everything (yes, he was trying to do all of this at the same time)... i had to force him back in the house to finish watching the fight. I guess I should let him take the pictures of it all tomorrow. We went out to pizza with Zaida and Justin... that was his first driving experience... Justin explained everything amazingly. He seems to love it here and keeps saying how he doesn't want to go home... its only day 2. 

I swear if the plan was to make him gain weight while he is here, we are already starting off really well... Peanut butter and Jelly (which he had never had before) and 2 hamburgers........ for breakfast...... last night we got a beer and a shot of tequila in him. tonight we got 2 or 3 pieces of pizza and a beer so far (no, I'm not encouraging him to drink beer this much but he keeps calling soda and juice "soap" and says its gross) 

There is a Brasil flag hanging on my bathroom mirror. the top drawer in the bathroom now contains a comb, toothbrush, and sensodyne. his clothes are hanging in my closet. and apparently I'm starting to talk like him. Seriously I've never been so happy or in love in my life. I wish this never had to end.

July 3rd - 4th

We piled in the rental car with my step mom, my dad, and my step brother and headed to Reno/South Lake Tahoe/Fernley
We got there and couldnt find my family's house, so we drove through to Fernley and stayed there for a little bit with my mom and other family members... Then we got tired of waiting around and drove back to Reno and rented a cheap motel. Then we went into the city and took pictures and stuff. Then the next day we got up and drove to South Lake Tahoe for the fireworks. I got to spend 4th of July on the beach of South Lake Tahoe with my love... Then we got to see the fireworks and it was lovely.

July 11th

We went downtown. Old Sacramento is a gorgeous place to take pictures and he is so photogenic when its the right person behind the camera. He is beautiful. Its so easy to breathe with him close to me.

July 14th - 18th

We left for Vegas at almost 11pm, though we should have waited til about 4am to leave because when we got there it was one big waiting game... the entire time... not just waiting for our hotel room... getting pissed off because we cant find the parking garage in our hotel lot. Plus he was frustrated because he didn't understand why we were staying at the Fitzgerald on the first night and then the next night we would be on the strip... then the driving was another frustration entirely... then the lack of communication from the other couple we were with was enough to make both of us pissed off... All in all, Vegas was one big frustrating scene with tons of lights and people and heat. He enjoyed being able to take pictures and be in the crowd, whereas I enjoyed the soft comfy hotel bed... I didn't like the people I didn't like the heat I didn't like anything but being with him and being on that bed (the one in The Imperial Palace)... We gambled a little, he lost, I won it back for him. We went to the Eiffletower replica and watched the water show... we saw a pretty epic show outside of treasure island and ate some awesome food in various places.

July 22nd - 24th

With my dad and step mom and a rental car that gets jaw dropping amazing gas milage, we left for San Fransisco... then we took the 1 to Santa Cruz then jumped up to San Jose... all in 2 days.
SF was interesting... I don't think I've ever been more terrified of the driving before in my life. (even with the boyfriends idea that kissing me so my eyes were closed would be a good idea so i dont see the road or the craziness around us, it didn't work) we drove in a huge lane that was apparently a bike lane... we got lost... and our hotel was behind a gay bar... my dad and meu amante held hands on their way to the store to buy soda or whatever... and they were both drunk... and when they came back, my step mom and I were drunk and then my boyfriend tried to use my dads CPAP mask...
We got up around 9 or 10am and left for Santa Cruz... which we got to and realized that it was hosting a huge marathon, therefore all hotels were full and everything else in the town was too... like the roads... and everything... which I apparently slept through (thank you Dremamine!!)
So we left there and drove to Santa Clara for the night... at the Ramada I think... and it looked like something straight off IKEA showroom floors... and the bed was amazing. Then we went to some cute little bar called Blinky's and they had a few beers and I had a few Jagger bombs.... then we went back, smoked hookah, talked about business with the step mom while my dad slept, and then looked at wedding dresses even though we already talked about it and no we aren't getting married "soon".
Got up the next morning and drove to... San Jose? yea... and ate at... Chillis... across from the Winchester Mystery House... which we toured after eating. That was fun!!! So interesting... though we had a fucking drone for a tour guide and he sounded like a moron and talked like a radio commercial.
Then we left and headed home in the afternoon and got home at night.

The last few days.

We slept more, I cried more, he comforted me more, I cried more. Oh and he shopped more O____O and more and more... which included the purchase of two matching gorgeous custom engraved dogtag necklaces that one tag is a map and on the back of the map it says how many miles apart we are, and the other tag says (mine) his name/(his) my name that we got from Things Remembered.

The last day

We woke up and packed and drove to the airport even though I had cried a lot silently so I wasn't heard or barely seen crying. then we got to the airport and checked the bags and then we sat and waited... and cried... him crying more than me at first... which was shocking because all the men (other than my own dad) that I've ever known have all been afraid to cry... or just dont... I dont know why... but then my dad made us let go and he left. we cried a lot and said he would be here soon. which is fine. thats whats keeping me not as depressed... I know I'm not in this alone.

Today Sucks.

Today really sucks. Today was the day Carlos was supposed to be here but he's not because of his oh so lovely mother. His mother made me cancel the ticket that my mom bought for him back in February because she didn't like the date. So now it's completely up to her when he gets to come out. So I have no idea when he's coming out here, if he's coming out at all. My boyfriend isn't very headstrong so he is scared to stand up to her. -sigh- I just want him here. Is that too much to ask for?

16 days.

In 16 days Carlos will be here... or so I hope. I am going to be so edgy and paranoid because today is when I find out if the countdown continues as normal, have to redo the countdown or cancel the countdown completely. -sigh- I just want to meet him.... I hate all this drama and crap over all of this. :/

Nearing 6 months

I can remember when this first started... the ridiculous speech I had planned out, the days I spent debating on "is this a good idea? will he hurt me? can I trust him?" and various other panicked thoughts... In the end though, I went to ask and without a speech beginning he said yes... so, like a dork, I demanded that I be allowed to give the speech anyways... Basically it consisted of "I know this will be difficult, but I think that if we never try then we will never know and there will always be that "what if" factor looming in our futures when we get angry and upset and whatever wondering how different things would have been had we given this a chance... We deserve a chance...blablablah" and I honestly included the blahs... purely because the seriousness of the conversation made me squirm and uncomfortable and I needed something to balance it out for me. Something that he would understand and yet somehow not be bothered because of. I spent a good hour almost listing the reasons why we needed this and he laughed and took it all in and still reminded me that he said yes before my speech therefore making my speech completely unnecessary. I look back now and I don't think the speech was really for HIM, but more for me... I mean, as I mentioned in previous blogs, this is not my first trip down LDR Way and I had to do more convincing than I thought possible at that time. I was freshly out of a five year relationship and I was completely heals over head for this guy... I couldn't let it pass me by. Gotta do what you gotta do.

Here we are, nearing six months later, and while there have been a few times that I just wanted to scream and cry... never once did I fully want to tell him I couldn't do this, it isn't working, this isn't worth it to me anymore, or anything like that... I never thought it... I never said it... I hope I never do at this point. Granted, he freaked out because things were becoming too realistic and less "oh just some girl I like on another continent" and more "I'm in love with her and hate going a day without talking to her" so he thought this wasn't what he was ready for in this point of his life and his career and whatnot, so he tried to cut it off and jump ship while he still thought he could... turned out he couldn't, four days of trying to convince himself he was fine without me and he was coming back and apologizing profusely... Since then, its been a flood gate opened of "this is me" from him and I stumble a little but I hold my ground, I love him with all my heart.

The first meeting and month long visit will happen in exactly 55 days. TONS of pictures and videos will be pouring into this blog when all of that happens, especially that first meeting video. The idea of his touch leaves me breathless and I'm so excited that he will be here for as long as he will. I just thought I would give an update as to how things are going and where we are and whats going on... there you have it.

Tiffinnie - The good, the bad, and the avoided?

I've been avoided. I'm BEING avoided.  I know this isn't something that is wrong with me... something I said or did... but I am not liking that out of no where I'm being avoided... if I don't hear from him today, it will be 3 days since I talked to him. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal to some people but we are used to talking all day every day... I like the space but why is it that he's reading my messages and not responding?

Another thing is that he was gone on Valentine's day... out of town for work I guess... and he went out of town all weekend this last weekend... and came back on Sunday night / Monday morning... and then has been avoiding me for the last three days which means uhh I talked to him Monday when he got back and that was pretty much it. He has been making himself sick... he is over worked, stressed, and its driving me absolutely insane! No time to talk to me, no time to breathe or eat or sleep...

What the hell do I do?! I hate feeling like this is my fault. Nothing is going on that he would need to avoid me because of... I mean if he needs a few days "away" from me, then I can accept it easier if he would just TELL ME instead of allowing me to realize that he is avoiding me and not responding to my emails or offline msgs or anything like that... Avoiding talking to someone isn't the best idea if you plan to keep that person happy with your existence... I mean seriously... WTF!

June 14th.

June 14th is when I will finally be in the arms of my boyfriend. It will be our first meeting. The perk though? He's not leaving. He's staying in WA. My mother is buying his ticket in exchange for me not going to Las Vegas with her and my stepdad in October. He will be living with me and my parents. I know, living together right away like this will probably put some stress on the relationship and be awkward and take some adjusting but it will be worth it. I'm only young once. Gotta take risks in life you know? He's going to start college here after a year of living here so that he can get resident rates. He is going to try and find a job within the first 3 months because once he has a job my parents are going to charge him rent. He will have his own room in my parents house. It's right next to my room. Anyways, The ticket is bought. His flight leaves Chicago Midway International Airport at 9:20 AM (7:20 AM my time), lands in Kansas City at 10:45 AM (8:45 AM my time) to change planes. The plane leave Kansas City to head to Seattle at 11:50 AM (9:50 AM my time), and will finally land in Seattle at 1:45 PM. Thankfully the quarter at my school will be done with so I won't have to worry about missing school to pick him up. This is really exciting for me and him. My parents are excited too. His parents? Not so excited. They are gonna fight him to make him stay. But they can't force him. They will try. Oh will they try. But it will fail. Miserably.