Nearing 6 months

I can remember when this first started... the ridiculous speech I had planned out, the days I spent debating on "is this a good idea? will he hurt me? can I trust him?" and various other panicked thoughts... In the end though, I went to ask and without a speech beginning he said yes... so, like a dork, I demanded that I be allowed to give the speech anyways... Basically it consisted of "I know this will be difficult, but I think that if we never try then we will never know and there will always be that "what if" factor looming in our futures when we get angry and upset and whatever wondering how different things would have been had we given this a chance... We deserve a chance...blablablah" and I honestly included the blahs... purely because the seriousness of the conversation made me squirm and uncomfortable and I needed something to balance it out for me. Something that he would understand and yet somehow not be bothered because of. I spent a good hour almost listing the reasons why we needed this and he laughed and took it all in and still reminded me that he said yes before my speech therefore making my speech completely unnecessary. I look back now and I don't think the speech was really for HIM, but more for me... I mean, as I mentioned in previous blogs, this is not my first trip down LDR Way and I had to do more convincing than I thought possible at that time. I was freshly out of a five year relationship and I was completely heals over head for this guy... I couldn't let it pass me by. Gotta do what you gotta do.

Here we are, nearing six months later, and while there have been a few times that I just wanted to scream and cry... never once did I fully want to tell him I couldn't do this, it isn't working, this isn't worth it to me anymore, or anything like that... I never thought it... I never said it... I hope I never do at this point. Granted, he freaked out because things were becoming too realistic and less "oh just some girl I like on another continent" and more "I'm in love with her and hate going a day without talking to her" so he thought this wasn't what he was ready for in this point of his life and his career and whatnot, so he tried to cut it off and jump ship while he still thought he could... turned out he couldn't, four days of trying to convince himself he was fine without me and he was coming back and apologizing profusely... Since then, its been a flood gate opened of "this is me" from him and I stumble a little but I hold my ground, I love him with all my heart.

The first meeting and month long visit will happen in exactly 55 days. TONS of pictures and videos will be pouring into this blog when all of that happens, especially that first meeting video. The idea of his touch leaves me breathless and I'm so excited that he will be here for as long as he will. I just thought I would give an update as to how things are going and where we are and whats going on... there you have it.